Know Your Worth Without Expalining It

Summary

In this episode of the Given a Purpose podcast, Jacques LaGrange dives deep into the concept of self-value, emphasizing its distinction from self-esteem. He explains that self-value remains constant regardless of external circumstances, while self-esteem fluctuates based on performance. Jacques encourages listeners to recognize their inherent worth and to set clear boundaries in their lives, asserting that what we tolerate becomes our standard. He shares personal anecdotes about the importance of valuing oneself and not over-explaining or undervaluing contributions. The episode culminates in a powerful reminder that our value is established by God and should not be negotiated with others, urging listeners to stop seeking validation and to live boldly in their worth.

Takeaways

Self-value does not equal self-esteem.
What you tolerate quietly becomes a standard.
You have to teach people how to treat you.
Stop chasing validation; your worth is already established.
Your value doesn't increase because someone finally notices you.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Self-Value
00:46 Defining Self-Value vs. Self-Esteem
02:13 Teaching Others How to Treat You
03:40 Recognizing Your Value
05:56 God's Perspective on Your Worth
09:47 Changing Behavior Through Self-Value
11:40 Stop Seeking Validation
13:30 Final Thoughts on Living in Purpose

Transcript

Jacques LaGrange (00:00.662)
Let me ask you a question real quick. Have you ever accepted less than you deserve and then defended it like it was a great decision? Yeah, me too. That's not humility, that's bad math. But let's talk about it next on the Given a Purpose podcast.

Jacques LaGrange (00:43.788)
Welcome to the giving a purpose podcast where we bridge the highs the lows the lessons learned through life's journey and filling in the gap You already know what it is. It's a new week new episode fresh for you Come here Come here New year New opportunity to do what you need to do But first what I need you to do is make sure you subscribe

to the Giving a Purpose podcast, man, share it, hit that subscribe button, click the bell so you can get the notifications when the episodes are gonna come out. And I know that's what you want. So let's make that happen. So we're gonna talk about self-value, right? Now, let me start off by saying this, self-value does not equal self-esteem.

All right, let's make that clear. Self-value is not equal to self-esteem. Self-esteem rises and falls with performance. right, self-value stays steady even on days off. If you value changes every time you fail, you don't have confidence, you have momentum. All right, so we wanna make sure we understand the difference. Self-value does not equal self-esteem.

Right? Listen, some of us feel valuable on Monday and worthless by Thursday. That's not growth, right? That's emotional wifi. All right. That means it can go in and out. That means it could be three bars one day, four bars another day. You never know. And that's not what we want. We want to make sure that we are worthy and valuable to what we do every day.

Now, with that, you have to teach people how to treat you. I know that's a hot topic going around, boundaries with everything, but you have to teach people how to treat you. What you tolerate quietly becomes a standard. All right? Now, what you allow people to do, that's gonna become your pillar and your standard of how they treat you. All right? Overexplaining is usually

Jacques LaGrange (03:08.756)
undervaluing. Say what you gotta say and stand on it. All right? You don't have to be much. We don't need a dissertation. Say what you gotta say and make sure it's clear, but say what you gotta say, but you don't have to over explain. All right? Boundaries, right? Are not disrespect. It's just clarity. Let's just make sure that's clear. Like I'm not setting these boundaries to be disrespectful, but I need you to be clear.

that there are boundaries, if that makes sense, right? I've had many times where I've given my last and giving extra and staying loyal and still being overlooked. Have you ever had a couple of those things? So what I realized was the problem wasn't my effort. The problem was I never sent an invoice for my value.

Let that marinate. See, the problem, like I said, was not my effort. The problem was I never sent an invoice for the value that I gave. Right? So those times I showed up early, those times I did a little extra, those times I was loyal.

I gave good effort, but the problem was I did not send an invoice for my value. And things that are actually valuable, we don't put on discount. Now think about it. Some of us may be familiar with certain things, but if you go to the Gucci store, the Louis Vuitton store, are you trying to buy a Rolls Royce? They don't go on sale. They're saying the value is the value. The cost is the cost.

and they're gonna send you to bill, the invoice. You dig? Just that simple, right? So even the Bible talks about it. Your value was established before your performance, before God put you in your mother's womb, before you were birthed, right? Your value was already established. And a couple of scriptures that we got here. So we got Psalms 139-14.

Jacques LaGrange (05:26.144)
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Listen, you are wonderfully made. That means you are valuable. Just that simple. Not eventually, not that you're going to be eventually be valuable, you're already valuable. All right, Matthew 10, 31 says, so do not be afraid. You are worth more than many sparrows. Guys already talking about, you're worth than

Other creatures around here. You're worth more than asparos.

Also, Ephesians 2 and 10, for we are, we are God's workmanship. So you know if God did it, right, you know is good. And so if that's good, that means you're valuable. And you can stand on that. You can be bold about that. You can be confident in that, that you are God's workmanship. You're not a rough drag.

You're to practice, you're his workmanship. He created it. Right? God never negotiates your worth, only people do. Remember that. God made you valuable. So you don't have to negotiate your worth. Only thing, only time you have to do that is with people and you shouldn't be doing that. Right? Low self value shows up in disguise. So let's call some things out.

real quick. Have you ever stayed silent to keep the peace? That's me. All the time. Sometimes I'll just keep my mouth shut because I just want to keep the peace. I don't like to argue, but I'm just going to stay quiet even though sometimes it may be eating me up inside. Even though sometimes I don't want to be the bad person or I don't want to be rude.

Jacques LaGrange (07:26.922)
staying silent, I'll try to keep the peace. That's me. All right. Saying it, basically saying it's fine when it's not. Kind of go hand in hand. Like you'd be like, I'm good. I know as a black male, happens all the time. Always say I'm fine, when I'm really not. I have a lot going on and I'll suppress those things for others sometimes. I can be honest about that. Happens all the time.

over giving to feel needed, right? I know as a man, even with relationships, sometimes with the job, like, let's just stick with relationships. Men, that is a part of us being in a relationship. We always wanna feel needed, not used, but we always want to feel needed. And when we feel either in a relationship, work, or whatever the case may be, when we feel we're not needed,

our energy probably goes low and we're not into it like that. So that's a key thing for us in our survival and us just living every day is feeling needed. Like, you know what I'm saying? As a parent, you wanna feel needed. As a spouse, as a partner, whatever the case may be, you wanna feel needed. When you wanna go to work, you wanna feel you're needed.

and that the value you're giving is worthy. And then, this is a big one for me, accepting inconsistency because you fear replacement. So you'll hold on to something that you probably need to get rid of and because that person is inconsistent, the job may be inconsistent, things just may not be going right. But because you don't wanna start over or,

you are comfortable and you don't wanna work outside that comfort zone, you fear replacing that with something better or something that is worthy to you or valuable all the time, all right? Because some of y'all aren't patient, you're just afraid to walk away. I've been in many situations where I've held onto it a lot longer than I needed to.

Jacques LaGrange (09:57.326)
because I was afraid of what I was going to lose. And I wanted to keep that intact. So all of those things that I name, I stayed silent about things. I was saying I was fine. I would deal with inconsistencies because I was just afraid to walk away. Because I feel like walking away would be quitting.

And am I not doing my best? I feel like walking away is giving up maybe, you know, if it's a relationship or maybe a job giving up on that person or you may have said something that you would do, but listen, sometimes you got to know when to hold them and know when to fold them. Like self-value changes your behavior before it changes your results. Let me see if you guys really understand.

Self-value changes your, when you value yourself, it'll change your behavior before it changes your results. Because once you start changing your mindset, and then you start changing your behavior, then your results will change. Sometimes we want different results without that process of going, knowing our self-value, knowing we need a new mindset, changing the behavior, and then comes the results, right?

And this is something that I'm guilty of. Stop chasing validation. I'm always, sometimes man, trying to be validated by people, making sure that they approve. If God gives it to you, if you believe in it, if you know your value, it's already validated. Remember you are the workmanship. And if God started something in you, will do it until it's completion. Stop auditioning.

for rooms you've already, that you already belong in. Like if you know, I'm supposed to be here, I can do this. You don't have to audition, walk in there with the boldness and the confidence like, I'm supposed to be here. Right? Stop shrinking to make others feel comfortable. Be you. Now I'm not telling you to be a jerk. I'm not telling you to be, you know, just crazy, but.

Jacques LaGrange (12:27.094)
stop shrinking so others can feel comfortable, right? Also, all the time I don't need more confidence, I need more standards. So if I stand on my standards, and that links back to the boundaries, that's what I'm searching for, for my self value, all right? Also remember that

Ask yourself this.

The stuff that you put up with, would you give that advice to someone else? Just think about that. The stuff that you put up with, some of the things that we talked about, if a friend brought that to you, would you allow them to accept that?

No, you wouldn't. So you stop accepting that, right? You need to start auditing what drains you instead of what excites you.

Jacques LaGrange (13:33.44)
Notice where you're loud and commitment, but quiet about boundaries. Listen, you're loud about commitment, but silent about boundaries. Listen, let me leave you with this before we get out of here. Your value doesn't increase because someone finally notices you. Let me say that again. Your value does not increase.

because someone finally notices you. It increases when you stop abandoning yourself to be accepted. This week, don't ask, do they see my worth? Stop asking that, do they see my worth? Ask, why am I offering access to people who keep proving they don't and they don't deserve it? Self-value isn't arrogance, it's stewardship. So if...

If God has already put that workmanship in you and he's given you value before you were in your mom's womb, you have to steward the value that he gave you. That's also tied to your gifts, right? And we're ultimately responsible for what we allow. All right? New week is a new opportunity. Show up differently this week, starting with how you treat yourself.

That's awesome. So I need y'all to do the greatest two things I ask you to do all the time every week. And that's to make sure you live on purpose and make sure you live in purpose. I'll see you guys next time. Peace.