How to Outgrow Self-Doubt and Build Real Confidence

Summary

In this episode of the Giving a Purpose podcast, Jacques LaGrange explores the theme of overcoming self-doubt and building genuine confidence. He discusses how self-doubt manifests in our lives, the importance of taking action to build confidence, and the shift from seeking external approval to aligning with one's true self. LaGrange emphasizes that confidence is not about perfection but about progress and consistency, encouraging listeners to embrace discomfort as a part of growth.

Takeaways

Self-doubt is a mismanaged awareness of expectations and past failures.
Confidence is built through action, not waiting for permission.
As children, we took risks freely; as adults, we calculate everything.
Confidence comes from trusting yourself to figure things out.
Unshakable confidence is quiet consistency, not loud bravado.
Shift from seeking approval to aligning with your true self.
You can control your effort, preparation, and integrity, not the results.
Confidence in the workplace is built through preparation and clear communication.
Self-doubt in personal life can lead to settling for less than you deserve.
Confidence grows when actions match intentions and align with personal values.

Transcript

Jacques LaGrange (00:00.654)
how to outgrow self doubt and build real confidence. Let's talk about it next on the given a purpose podcast.

Jacques LaGrange (00:36.492)
Welcome to the Giving a Purpose podcast where we bridge the highs, the lows, the lessons learned through life's journey and filling in the gap. Come here. Come here, yeah. You already know what it is. New week, new episode. All right, so first thing I need you guys to do, make sure you hit that subscribe button and click the bell so you can get these notifications so you know.

when a new episode is coming to you. Listen, let's be honest for a second. Self-doubt never announces itself. It kind of whispers, right? It shows up in hesitation when we're overthinking. Sometimes, I know I'm guilty of this, when you be waiting for permission, shrinking when...

it's time to step forward. Like when you're trying to do something and you're trying to have the next, trying to take that next step, even when you're taking baby steps, you start to shrink and that self doubt wants to show up. And the wild part is most people don't lack ability. They lack belief in the ability that they already have.

That's the crazy part. That's some of the things that I used to always run into. Like I had the ability to do things, but self doubt would always creep in sometimes. Do I think I can do it?

Nobody in my family's ever done it. Never done anything like this before. But today I kind of want to talk about how to outgrow self doubt and to build an unshakable confidence, all right? Not the loud kind, not the fake kind, the kind that holds steady when things get uncomfortable. All right, so first let's,

Jacques LaGrange (02:51.744)
Let's debunk some myths just a little bit, right? What self-doubt really is. Self-doubt isn't weakness, all right? It's mismanaged awareness. You're aware of expectations, past failures, other people's opinions, the cost of getting it wrong. Confidence doesn't mean you don't feel doubt.

It means, doubt doesn't, doubt doesn't get the final word.

But here's the trap, most people wait for confidence before they move. So instead of moving and creating the momentum that will give you the confidence, we wait for that permission I talked about, but we wait for confidence to show up first and then we move, right? But we have to...

we have to have action. We know the good science that we do know, an object in motion tends to stay in motion unless the net force acts upon it, right? So, but when we do actions like that, action builds clarity. Clarity builds confidence. So when you understand it more, then you're more confident about it. And that's when you want to act.

So we don't wanna do it once we figure out we have enough confidence. We wanna do it and build confidence because once we do it, we start to get a clearer understanding of the path that we're walking and that's how the confidence build, not the other way around, right? As kids, we actually tried things freely. As adults,

Jacques LaGrange (04:53.688)
we kinda calculate everything that we do. All right, think about that. As kids, we may have climbed trees without thinking about what if I fall? we probably, man, I know, we went on adventures. My godbrother and I would go places. Man, I just told my mama, I was like, man, we was taking a metro, probably like seven, eight, and just doing things. Like we did these things freely. Now,

Man, as an adult, sometimes I'm thinking about, I gotta go to work tomorrow. I don't know if I wanna do that, I'm tired. Or if I'm planning to do things like there has to be like a strategic plan in place and how I calculate and how I do that. Because we know sometimes what's on the line. Like as an adult, know sometimes your reputation is on the line. How much is it gonna cost?

What if people are watching? And sometimes we don't do stuff because what? The consequence or failure can be expensive. Like if I do this, this may cost me a lot and I don't want to pay that cost. So we start playing not to lose instead of playing to grow. And we often do that sometimes as adults. All right.

So we have to, is nothing wrong with preparation, but make sure you move. Confidence doesn't come from having it all figured out. It comes from trusting yourself to figure it out. Let me say that again. Confidence doesn't come from having it all figured out. It comes from trusting yourself to figure it out.

man. The confidence other myth is once I feel confident, like I said, we can't get into that thing once I feel confident, then I'll start. That's backwards. Confidence is built through repetition, exposure, keeping promises to yourself and surviving discomfort and realizing you didn't break. Have you ever accomplished something like,

Jacques LaGrange (07:23.754)
I survived that. I bent, but I didn't break from it. So when it arises again, know, listen, I don't have to go in necessarily survival mode or I've already conquered this. Let's make this happen. All right. So unshakable confidence isn't loud. It's quiet consistency. You know, I love that word consistency. It's quiet consistency. It's knowing.

I've handled hard things before, I can handle this too. So let's shift to approval to alignment. Confidence collapses when your identity depends on applause, right? Ask yourself this, am I doing this to be validated?

Am I looking for that permission or because it aligns with who I'm becoming? All right, ask yourself those two questions. Am I doing this to be validated or because it aligns with who I'm becoming? When your standards come from within, outside opinions lose their grip and it loses its grip on you.

and you're not worried about that anymore. All right? Listen, one thing in life that I know that once you build these things and you do these things, you can't control the results. You can control your effort though.

you can control your preparation and you can control your integrity and your character. Those are the things that you can control. You can't control the results, but you can control your effort, your preparation, your integrity and your character. Confidence grows when you say, I showed up the right way, regardless of the outcome. That's real true power, right? Shift from perfection

Jacques LaGrange (09:43.662)
It's a progress, all right? Perfection delays confidence. Let say that again. Perfection delays confidence. Progress builds it. Those baby steps. That momentum builds it. Momentum is louder than doubt. Confidence is the professional space. It's the workplace. Self-doubt shows up as not speaking up like,

In the workplace, self-doubt may show up as not speaking up in meetings at your job, downplaying your contributions to what you bring to the table, waiting to be chosen instead of positioning yourself. I don't know if anybody else has been through that, but I've been through that. Sometimes I just actually, actually, actually, actually, actually had something like that I was going through.

at my job, like I had an idea, I said it. Not that I didn't get the reaction that I wanted, but it was just like after I had an idea and kinda, you know, did some things like that and how it was responded to, it was just like, man, I don't even really wanna offer any other ideas anymore. This is just last week, like.

I don't even really want to offer ideas anymore because...

I don't know. Instead of going with, know what I believe in. I know I can make it work. If I slowly walk this thing, can make it happen. But I really got discouraged. All right? But the truth is, if you don't believe that your presence adds value, no title will fix that.

Jacques LaGrange (11:44.246)
All right, no matter what level that you're on, if you don't believe that your presence adds value, it doesn't matter what level you are on or what title you have. Confidence at work is built by preparing so well that fear has less room to take up. Speaking clearly, not perfect.

owning your lane without, owning your lane without apologizing for it. You don't need to know everything. You need to be grounded in what you do know.

Listen, confidence can show up in your personal life. Self doubt in your personal life can look like settling for less than you deserve. Staying quiet to keep the peace. Man, I'm talking to myself. I don't know about y'all, but I'm talking to myself. Shrinking to make others comfortable. Listen.

I compromise a lot sometimes because I don't want to either hurt the feelings of the other person or want to come off in a different way. But sometimes that's the self doubt that creeps in and it's not the confidence because I'm worried about that. Not even trying to do things in a bad way, but no more. I'm not settling for less than.

what I deserve, all right? Sometimes it's not war by saying something and by not saying anything just to keep the peace doesn't help either, all right? I don't have to lower myself to make others feel comfortable, all right? Confidence really means setting boundaries without guilt.

Jacques LaGrange (13:57.09)
choosing growth over familiarity and being okay, just being okay with not being understood. It's okay if they don't understand. Sometimes when God gives you the download or if God gives you the vision, it's not for everybody to understand.

Jacques LaGrange (14:24.76)
They'll get it.

when it's sometime.

Because sometimes God will just give you the vision. You may not have all the details yet.

But they don't need to get it. Just have confidence in what he told you and have confidence in yourself that it will be completed. Just as simple as that.

Your confidence will cost you comfort and it will reward you with freedom.

Jacques LaGrange (14:57.966)
Here's something simple but powerful. Everyday ask yourself this. Say, what's small action I can take today that my future self would respect? Say that again. What's one small action I can take today that my future self would respect?

Jacques LaGrange (15:27.096)
Confidence grows when your actions start matching your intentions. All right? Now, now, but we also have to know this, self-doubt isn't your enemy. It's a signal. It's not your enemy, it's a signal. It's letting you know that you're standing on the edge of growth. All right? Unshakeable confidence isn't about

never questioning yourself, it's about trusting yourself through these questions. You're not behind.

Jacques LaGrange (16:05.634)
You're being built. Stay consistent, stay disciplined and stay committed. Those are the foundation. Listen, man, I told you I got it tattooed here on me. Staying consistent, staying disciplined and staying committed. And remember, confidence doesn't come from avoiding the moment. How many of us do that? It comes from stepping into it, even if it's baby steps. All right. Thank you guys.

Thank you guys, thank you guys. Listen, man, you guys show up for me every week. Let's keep pushing. Now I need you to do the two most important things I ask you to do every week. Make sure you live on purpose and make sure you live in purpose. I'll see you guys next time. Peace.